What It’s *Really* All About December 10, 2009
Posted by Marisa in Uncategorized.Tags: School
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This week marks the end of Fall 2009, which means it’s everyone’s favorite time of the quarter: Finals Week.
I know people who start studying the instant Week 10 is over. By Friday evening, they have their books open, notes printed out, headphones in, and are dangerously armed with a highlighter (or 5). They lock their computers away to avoid wasting time on Facebook. They go to bed when the library closes at 3 AM and are back there again when it opens at 7. All so that they can use every waking hour to cram in every bit of information they didn’t pay an ounce of attention to in the weeks following midterms.
To a degree, I cram too. But to be honest, I spend the majority of my time doing other things. Sure, my experience somewhat lives up to the stereotypes: I spend several hours a day with my face in my books; I’m more easily annoyed; I begin to hate everything around me. But I still watch my shows on Monday night. I still watch Friends as I go to sleep. I still try to get 9 hours of sleep. (To be fair: there are very few things that I find worth losing sleep over. Even an exam worth 100% of my grade is not worth it.) I still go out to lunch with my friends (assuming they’re not locked up in the library). I still call my parents every night.
Because despite what professors want you to believe, success during Finals Week is all about state of mind. Too many people spend the 168 hours of Finals Week stressing about what they don’t know instead of having confidence in what they do. I spend my time getting my mind in the right place–one of clarity. I develop the confidence I’ll need to write essay after essay. I reinforce the fact that life goes on after finals; Finals are not the end-all.
Yes, these exams are important. But in a month, will they matter? Nope.
Now if only I could adopt the same attitude for other aspects of life.
Plan Diverted October 29, 2009
Posted by Marisa in Uncategorized.Tags: Change, Friends, Life, School
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This year was supposed to be one of resolve. I finally had a solution. I knew just what was going to fix everything. My relationships were going to return to a healthy state. Motivation would come back to me. Internal balance would be restored.
But I guess you know what they say…If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.
Instead, it was a year of utter collapse–of everything I knew and thought about myself, of some of my longest-standing friendships, of the goals I have worked toward all my life. My solution provided the exact opposite of its intent.
Still, I don’t regret it one bit.
Somewhere in the midst of everything, I realized I was okay with what was happening. Yes, it hurt. It still does. My heart still aches for what used to be. For what should have been.
But still I know, ultimately, what should have been does not compare to what is and what will be.
Someday October 26, 2009
Posted by Marisa in Uncategorized.Tags: Change, Music
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And maybe someday
We’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now
And maybe someday
We’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow
…Someday
–”Someday” by Rob Thomas
Some Updates September 28, 2009
Posted by Marisa in Uncategorized.Tags: Random
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- School started last week, amid much public turmoil. While none of my professors walked out, they did make it very clear that the same opportunities and “luxuries” will no longer be available to us. More importantly, I finally get to take only classes that I am actually interested in. So far, this quarter looks like it might be the best yet.
- Whenever I notice that someone has searched something very specific and ended up at my blog, I wonder who they are. Like this post. Were they searching for things about the person I actually wrote about? Is it someone I know? Were they recently feeling the hurt of the situation all over again, like I have over the last week?
- I finally did it. I finally deleted my myspace account. I no longer need to keep it just for all of those old messages. I’m done with that stage in my life.
- Some friends and I went to Wild Rivers this weekend. Embarrassing moment count: 3. For a group of 4 people, we figured that wasn’t too bad. One group embarrassment and two individual embarrassments. And yes, of course mine topped the list. And cost me money.
- Since I got one heck of a sinus infection about 3 weeks ago, I have since been battling several bouts of eye infections. This has forced me to wear my glasses, which in that time period, I have forgotten to wear while driving only once…and I didn’t hit anything (which I have recently done with contacts), so I actually fared pretty well.
- I have decided that it should start being standard to have leg-shaving-friendly showers. I mean, as it stands now, this practice is dangerous: let’s see if they can stand on one foot on a slippery surface while dragging a razor up their legs and live to tell about it. Good idea.
This concludes my random updates and thoughts.
Happy Monday!
My Way September 14, 2009
Posted by Marisa in Uncategorized.Tags: Compulsions, Life, Random
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- Over, not under.
- Left sock, left shoe, right sock, right shoe. Always left foot first. Flip flops not exempt.
- Tic tacs should be consumed in even numbers.
- When sleeping, the room should always be on the cool side so that a blanket can be used comfortably. Also, at least one foot should be out from under the covers (to avoid claustrophobia of the feet, of course).
- When eating finger foods, the order of the bites taken should be carefully chosen. The best bites should be saved for last, when possible. One cannot afford to be reckless.
What’s your way?
The Tide is Changing August 14, 2009
Posted by Marisa in Uncategorized.Tags: Change, Disneyland, Friends, Life, Red Sox
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One would think that with the arrival of summer, I would start writing again. After all, I finally have the time to do so daily. While that is mostly true, to put it simply, I haven’t wanted to write again. At least, not enough to actually do so.
You see, the last 6 months have been…unbelievable. And not in the “oh-my-gawd-my-life-is-so-amazing!” kind of way. More like the “what-the-hell-is-going-on?!” kind of way.
I’ve spent a good amount of my summer trying to figure everything out. But I’ve also had my share of fun. I’ve had several trips to Disneyland; a trip to Sea World; a trip to Vegas; caught up with old friends; kept in touch with new friends; read a few books; conquered the world; lost in my attempts to conquer the world 4 other times; and, of course, watched loads of baseball.
The only thing I haven’t done is write. Honestly, sometimes I’m afraid of what might come out if I do. Most of my writing starts as a stream of consciousness that I later edit into coherence. Most of the summer, I’ve reasoned that allowing myself to write to any extent would likely uncover things that I did not yet want to uncover. Over the last few days, I’ve realized it is time to stop pretending that there is nothing lying underneath it all. I know there is; to pretend otherwise is simply foolish.
Step by step, I’m going to work through this. I’m so tired of letting everything fester. It’s time to fix it or move on. I see no other options. I’m going to find that sweet forgiveness in my heart; if others can’t do the same, it’s time to walk away.
I can’t just merely survive in this endless cycle any longer; it’s time to break free and thrive.
